Trials of Love
by Happie692B2
Summary: Anakin decides to fix his life after one mistake changes all that he cared for
1. Chapter 1

_**In life you live it once, making you own regretful but they make you think of what you had with the guilty feelings**_

**Anakin's POV:**

I had told her i wanted to end our marriage because i thought someone else had loved me and i thought id grown fond of her, but she didnt take it well, shed thrown all my stuff out and punched me for coming back i backed off after that, collecting my clothes and personal belongings I heard Ahsoka shushing our son when he began to wail, seeing as i couldnt do much i began walking down the street, trying to find somewhere to stay for the night. I had some credits to spare in my tunic pocket so i decided alcohol was enough to make me forget everything for the moment.

I left my stuff outside the bar crossing some shady onlookers, i made my way through the crowd and blocking the blaring music passing anyone giving me second glances taking a seat at the bar, dropping a handfull of credits on the table asking for the strongest drink the droid kept. He was quick to grab my credits trading it for the drink. I took the cupfull downing it feeling the warmth rush through me, it felt good to feel something. I couldnt remember how much i drank after that but i didnt care much anymore. It wasnt long to feel the effects my vision was hazy a bit so i stayed in my seat rubbing my eyes to clear them a bit.

I wanted to com Ahsoka to apologize but i had fears id slur anything i said, i got up from my seat, stumbling a bit and knocking a fat drunken idiot

"Hey! watch it asshole" he shoved me back knocking me into a group of bounty hunters, causing a scene

Soon everyone was screaming and running to the exit,clearing the place out in seconds

I got up, cleaning myself off and walking the best i can outside, i found most of my stuff gone except for a lone picture

I picked it up folding it open to reveal Ahsoka's smiling face staring at me, immidiately everything flushed back into me

All i said, her angry at me, her tears, telling me she hated me...

"Im so sorry" i hear myself mutter my voice on the edge of tears, i sped walked down the street not paying attention and tripped on a speeder crashing facefirst into the concrete, finally breaking down to tears, I sat up feeling the scrape forming on my cheek my lip bleeding. Here i sit alone drunk off my head cried my eyes to blood red hating myself for what i had done to he

My life is one i could repeat if given the chance to. Ive made alot of mistakes in my past some were from poor choices, others from wrong assumptions with people.

I lost the love of my life because i was stupid

And now i cant get my life back on track or get our relationship to decent terms she hates no matter what i say to her

My com beeped and i answered it, clearing my voice before answering "Skywalker here"

"Ani, can we talk?"

**A/N: Officialy not dead and back to writing, Hope you guys liked this Chapter =^_^= Happie **


	2. Chapter 2

_**You get and lose chances in life, repeating them makes them harder to keep what you lost **_

**Anakin's POV**

_"Ani,can we talk?"_

Time and everything around me slowed down, but my heart was racing in my chest.

I couldnt look at her and let her see how pathetic i thought i was, I cut the com off, disabling it from my glove placing it in my tunic pocket,folding the picture i had placing it into my pocket as well.

I wiped my face a final time, getting back onto my feet, walking through rushing crowds. Think Anakin where else can you go,

Mentally slapping myself when i didnt come up with an answer and i found myself stumbling on a blind path to nowhere

**Later. **

"Y_ou cant hide from me forever you know" _

Ahsoka's voice rang through my mind into a terrible guilty smack to the face

"And here i thought you were done with me?"

_"You really dont know me then do you Ani?" _

She had me beat there

"So what did you want?"

_"I wanted to apologize for what happened, i didnt mean to hit you like that i was just checking up on you to make sure you were okay"_

The guilt side from hearing her voice made me want to say "Im not" but what came out was "Im fine,I hope your okay after all that happened"

"_I just wanted to let you know you can come see Kylar if you want, he hasnt napped and i was hoping-_

_"_On my way" I cut the com off, picking up my pace as i walked to the Temple, avoiding vehicles and random passerbys

I kept my cool calm collected self trying to keep diplomat walk about myself but that resulted into me looking stupid and staggering around down a bunch of hallways

I bumped into Obi wan losing my footing,falling on my ass

"Little brother what happened to you" He took grip of my mechanical hand pulling me back to my feet, I shrugged him off trying to get around him, but he grabbed my shoulder making me look at him"You look like hell"

"Thanks" i muttered bitterly trying to make my way around him again, he furrowed his eyebrows in aggravation and i sighed "Ill talk about it later alright"

He let me go "Alright, have a good night Anakin" I was gone before he finished his sentence, swallowing the nervous pit in my throat breathing shakily as i knocked on the door, i waited a couple seconds and knocked again finally hearing it open to find Ahsoka holding a fussy Kylar in her arms

She let me in,going to get Kylar a bottle as i sat on the couch, twidling my thumbs in the silence that hung in the room.

She returned with Kylar holding a bottle in his tiny hands quietly slurping it away, she placed him in the play pin sitting him up with a stuffed animal before joining me on the couch a distance away

I felt her piercing me with a look, i cant meet her stare i sighed drumming my fingers on my knee

"_So did you mean what you said?"_

"No"

"_Do you mean that?"_

I covered my eyes growing angrier at myself i immediately closed myself off. Of course she wouldnt trust anything i say now so what was the point of coming back.

"_Ani?"_

_"_Im sorry okay, im sorry i messed up everything with us, im sorry i failed you, im sorry im too stupid to realize im gullible as hell, im sorry you probably dont give a damn of anything i say anymore!" I was flaring internally finally feeling the sickness from the alcohol i ran to the refresher nearly breaking the door in the process once inside i got sick finally letting my aggravation toward myself to turn to tears again, once i finsihed dryheaving i flushed and pulled myself to the sink to clean my mouth out, gargling with hot water and spitting to reveal bloody water, i looked up in the mirror panicked to find my lip still bleeding

I licked alot of it away, making my way outside of the refresher to now find Ahsoka in the hallway ,eyeing me

"_Ani,I care about what you have to say its just-_

_"_Can i stay here for the night? Just sleeping out on the couch?"

"_Yes but would it bug you if i asked if you could sleep in bed with me?"_

The question caught me off guard but i nodded "Sure"

She rose an eye marking at me _"Really you wouldnt think its ackward?" _

I sidestepped and walked away from her, going to get Kylar from the pin, his hands still holding the bottle tightly in sleep

"Not at all i mean if thats okay with you?"

making my way to his room, placing him in his crib with his blankie snuggling him

_"I mean you and i are friends right so it shouldnt be"_

And that hit me like a nonpiloted crusier.

I climbed into bed, inhaling the homey smell nearly sleeping from it

Ahsoka climbed in alongside me, her eyes dug into my soul it was melting my heart,I turned to my left to stare at the wall

"_Is it okay if.. you can hold me?"_

I mulled it over but couldnt come up with a simple answer to say to her

She sighed and i felt her inner dissapointment

I rolled back over to face her, opening my arms to her, she nuzzled into me immidiately and i smiled ,letting my nose linger on her forehead

"_Thank you,Ani"_

"You're welcome" i got out half asleep, i finally let myself fade into a dream with Ahsoka still close to me

**_This is nice, i wish it could stay like this..._**

**A/N Writing cause im not tired..yet X_X Hope this update is good :D =^_^= Happie **


	3. Chapter 3

**Anakin's POV**

The alarm blared, waking me out of a good sleep

I was still holding Ahsoka close to me, she was so warm i didnt want to go to work.

She muttered something, rubbing over her eyes as she woke up

"Morning" I finally let her go

"_Morning Ani" _she fixed her nightshirt strap on her shoulder, sitting up to stretch "_What time is it?"_

I got off the bed, going to get a towel from the hall closet "5:30, guess im first to shower if thats okay with you?"

Her Lekku darkened "_Go ahead"_ a slight smile growing on her face

I closed the bathroom door behind me, leaving the towel beside the sink, shrugging out of my tunic, boots and other clothing climbing into the shower

10 minutes after i smelled somewhat better, i got out dripping water from my hair and body, quickly grabbing the towel and wrapping it around myself

"_**Shoot i forgot i dont have my uniform**_** anymore"**

I made my way out of the bathroom, bumping into Ahsoka immidiately blushing from my cheeks to my ears

"Sorry, I was-"

She had my work shirt and pants on a hanger, giggling quietly handing it to me

"_Get dressed before i shove you outside here naked"_

I chuckled taking the hanger making my way back to our room, placing them on the unmade bed, digging through the drawer to find only socks

"Ahsoka, do you still have any pairs of my boxers?" my question was answered with her throwing them in my face balled up

"Thank you", i dropped the towel, putting them on same with my clothes

I was buttoning my shirt when she came up behind me with a cup

"_Coffee?" _

I took the cup, drinking a bit of it handing it back to her

"Thanks" I went back to the bathroom grabbing my old clothes, tossing them in the hamper, kneeling to put my boots on

I crossed from our room to Kylar to find him rubbing his face waking up, I picked him up holding him against me "Hey, did you sleep good kiddo"

he snuggled onto me making me smile "Ahsoka do you mind if i drop him off at daycare before i head to work?"

she nodded, her mouth full of toothpaste toothbrush in hand

I thumbed some toothpaste off her lip "Go finish brushing i got him"

She shook her head, turning on her heel back to the bathroom,

20 Minutes later i had Kylar dressed, finishing the bottle i gave him, I left him on the floor going to brush my teeth

Once i finished the minty taste still on my tongue i gargled water, getting rid of it, fixing my hair in the mirror before going to pick up Kylar from the floor

Finally making my way to the door, Ahsoka met up halfway to give Kylar kisses goodbye and i got a smile before she let us go

"See you later"

I made my way out of the Temple, walking along the sidewalks to the Little Learners daycare i could hear children screaming and playing with the toys outside

I found Haza A Twi'lek holding a little girl with her finger up her nose, she put her down once i walked up to her with Kylar

"Morning Haza, hows the work?"

She smiled showing her dimple "Good, no biting or much fighting today her eyes met Kylar as she held her hands out to him

I slid Kylar into her arms, he immidiately griped pouting at me, i messed with his hair

"Ill be back i promise, dont make that face at Daddy"

He hid from me so i backed off

I stood back up straight, taking my leave

"Have a good day" I called out as i ran down the sidewalk

I crossed over two streets to the factory,pushing the door open

It was quiet seeing as i was somewhat early

my shift didnt start for 30 minutes so i walked around

I saw a rookie filling paperwork out behind a desk, Glynn sat across checking her watch looking up to see me and waved

I waved back to be nice and was mocked by two workers i shrugged them off avoiding the cigarette butt one had thrown at me

Finally i just decided to head to the break room, the door was open and i found fruit in a bowl by the microwave, i picked up a jameberfruit sitting at the table eating it thinking about anything to pass time

I finished the fruit, tossing it into the trash and i still had 20 minutes, i rested my head on the table trying to nap and sucessfully dozed off

I didnt hear the bell, rather someone grabbed my chair and pulled it making me fall waking me up my chin crashed against the table

I immidiately felt the pain in my jaw while i was laughed at "Look at Scarface being a little bitch"

Ignoring the dig i got up to my feet, my ears red and walked out to avoid knocking the bastards teeth out

_**This is gonna be a long day **_

_**A/N: Wrote this for detail work ugh its long XD but i hope its good =^_^= Happie **_


	4. Chapter 4

**Ahsoka POV**

Being around Anakin hurt me more than I let on. I loved him with all of my heart and soul, but he'd truly hurt me this time and I wasn't sure if I could forgive him. We briefly spoke here and there before he began living with Kylar and me again and I was trying to convince myself that I could move on from him, that I didn't _need _to love him, that I didn't even need _him._ The first few days without him were hell on Coruscant, but I needed to get over him.

Kylar was upset because he didn't know where his father was, but I'd… kicked him out. The things he'd done were practically unforgivable in my book, but the ability to forgive is all a part of love, I guess. He didn't deserve another chance. He'd hurt me really bad once prior to this and I'd reluctantly forgiven him. This time was much harder because so many lies were entitled to this hurt.

Anakin was a loving, caring man, but I just didn't think I could ever be _with _him again. It was always Padme interfering with us or someone like her. I couldn't stand her. She'd ruined so many things between us and I'd almost driven myself away from Anakin after the first time. I didn't like being hurt and I especially didn't like being hurt by him.

I sighed in bed, not wanting to move today. I didn't want to move at all recently. That was all part of not being together anymore. I had no motivation to strive to be good for him. I didn't think I could be good for anyone because of the fact that I wasn't good enough for him. I could hear the traffic of Coruscant rushing around outside and I shut my eyes tighter, thinking about everything he'd done to me. A few tears trickled down the sides of my face, but I had to get up and get moving or I'd never get out of bed and he'd find me like this.

He'd left for work not too long ago, taking Kylar to daycare with him as he left. I wanted to spend the rest of my life alone in all honesty, but I had my son – _our _son to care for. I knew that no matter what I did with my life from this point on, Anakin and I would still be tethered together through our son. There was no sense in pushing him out of our lives just because he and I were having issues. We'd get over it eventually. What needed to be done was to take Kylar's feelings into consideration.

Kylar wanted his daddy and I couldn't rip his father from his life. That wouldn't be fair of me and I know I wouldn't want Anakin to do that to me if he were in my position. I pushed myself up, realizing that the shower had only made me feel worse. Sleeping beside Anakin was the most comfortable I'd been with him since breaking up, but it was wrong. It was very wrong. Letting him inside was the worst option at this point.

I couldn't trust him with my feelings and I couldn't just let him waltz on into my heart again. Granted, he'd never left my heart to begin with, but I didn't want him to think he could regain my heart to the extent at which he'd once had it. To that, there was no going back and that was certain. I didn't like having my head or my emotions toyed with.

I know I hadn't been the best wife ever and I'll admit that. We'd fought a lot and it was mostly by being my overbearing and overly attached self. I wanted Anakin to be beside me at all times and I hated when he'd leave or go somewhere without me or without telling me. I wanted to know where he was at all times so I'd know he was safe, so I'd know he was being faithful…

As it turns out, he had been gaining interest in someone else… I wouldn't have minded so much if he'd been considerate enough to just tell me he didn't want to be with me anymore. The thing was, the way he was acting around me made me feel extremely awkward. I felt like he was trying to regain my trust and I wasn't entirely sure if I wanted him to have that again.

I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes as they continued to water. I wouldn't let him get to me like this. I had to move on like he was. That was my only option. I couldn't let Anakin back into my heart. He'd broken it twice and it still wasn't fully mended from the first time. I couldn't trust him; I couldn't forgive him.

Once my eyes were cleared up from the minute crying, I glanced at the clock and realized it was time for me to get going. I had work of my own to do and I could afford to spend the extra few minutes here alone because Anakin had already taken care of Kylar for me. I'd love to just curl up in a ball and stay in bed forever, but Anakin would, once again, more than likely find me here and worry about me. It wasn't his job to worry about me anymore. I just wanted him to be Kylar's father. I didn't care if he loved me at this point. I didn't want him to love me because I was afraid of loving him again. If he stayed for Kylar's sake, I'd respect him a lot more than I do right now.

I walked out into the living area of the dorm and grabbed my pack full of things I needed for work. I wasn't doing much of anything but being an assistant in a store in the market. I needed the money to provide for Kylar because I wasn't sure if I could rely on Anakin to make child support payments if he needed to care for himself. I barely wanted the man in my life right now. I knew I was stuck with him until Kylar grew up. If Kylar wanted to live with his father, I'd probably let him go for a limited amount of time.

I know Anakin gave birth to him, but Kylar is my son as well. He's half of my genetics and I wanted to keep him safe. I didn't doubt Anakin's ability to protect our son, but I also didn't want to undermine the fact that he may be with other women who aren't me and I'm afraid of how that'll affect Kylar. As for right now, Kylar is too young to understand that his father and I are having… _problems._

I sucked it up and threw my pack over my shoulder, heading out of the dorm as quickly as I could. I didn't want to see anything else that reminded me of Anakin for the rest of the day. Well, until I came home, that is. I'd have to put up with him when he was around for Kylar.

I just hoped I could get through the work day without having a breakdown…

**Later.**

I came home, drained. I was emotionally and physically drained because of so many things. For one, as soon as I got to work, I'd nearly bawled when I was around a few of my friends. They were aware of what happened between Anakin and me and they were checking up on me. What hurt the most was that they could tell when I was trying to brush it off like what happened meant nothing.

The two girls I was close to at work knew that my heart was broken. They knew that having the love of your life lie to you was the most horrible feeling ever even though they hadn't experienced it themselves. Having the one you love the most tell you they don't love you the way you thought they did to your face was the most hurtful thing to go through as far as I'm concerned.

His voice echoed in my head from the day we split. "_I see you as more like a sister to me_," he'd said. That _hurt._That hurt me really _deep. _He was my husband, my lover, my soul mate… He called me his sister. The most horrible thing about that was that I honestly believed that was how he felt and I firmly believed that he'd been influenced by someone else to think that way. Of course, I'd been absolutely right.

I was angry at him and I'd wanted him to go away for good. I wanted him to stay away from me and away from Kylar. As unfair as I was being to him, he'd been so much more unfair. If he hadn't loved me all this time, I'd wished he'd just admitted it earlier. It would've been so much easier to bear than it was the moment he'd told me.

The way he looked at me and felt around me was with an awful lot of regret and I wanted him to feel that. I was being a major bitch by wanting him to suffer, but I wanted it. I wanted him to regret losing me, to regret losing what we had with each other even if it honestly meant nothing to him. He'd broken my heart too many times and I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of walking over me again. I loved him to bits and pieces, but I couldn't take it. I couldn't take having my heart stomped on by him even if it meant shoving him so far away from me.

When you love someone, you have to truly mean it in order for it to be realistic. In our case, I felt like the _I love yous _from him were utterly fake and meaningless. That cut me more than he had to realize. Sure, I put on an angry face around him, but that anger was to hide the pain I truly felt. I shielded myself for the longest time and now I'd broken my own walls and let him come back.

Hell, we slept beside each other last night. That was so wrong of me, so wrong. For wanting to push him away, I sure wasn't doing a very good job of sticking to the plan. If anything, I was pulling him back in and that wasn't where I wanted him. I wanted him gone. I'd let him stay for our son, but I wanted him to leave me alone.

I wanted to be alone. I wanted him to be alone. I wanted him to hurt, to suffer, to regret. Yes, I was selfish and I knew it. I had someone tell me that I was being cruel to him, but I firmly felt that he deserved every ounce of anger I'd given him up until last night.

Pulling him back in was a mistake. He'd abuse me again and I knew it. I'd had too many problems with Lux Bonteri before being with Anakin and I didn't want a repeat with Anakin. I didn't want Anakin to come back and hurt me a third time because I was a fool.

As hurt as I'd been since breaking up with him, I couldn't hate him. I was angry and I resented him, but I felt no hatred towards him. There wasn't even an ounce of hatred towards him in me to speak about, but I let him assume I hated him. I'd honestly told him I didn't hate him, but he didn't believe me.

I sat on the bed again and pulled my knees up to my chest, fearing what would happen between us next. The last thing I wanted right now was for him to walk in the door with another woman. That would more than likely kill me. I couldn't bear seeing him with someone else. I was so angry at him for hurting me, but I only wanted him to love me.

Is that so wrong…?

**A/N Thanks to my dear for writing this POV :) Hope you guys liked it =^_^= Happie **


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